What an amazing 24 hours.  Last night I was still stressing about tloml.  I read my 1st Psychics reading and clarification whether or not I should text him tomorrow (today :-)) ... I'm not really panicing when I wake up but I'm so afraid I'm going to.  I need to take my car in to get my one tire fixed that's 1/2 deflated, and has been for a while. I sit at my desk, and all of a sudden to get the urge to text him.  I decide to check to see if the 3rd Psychic replied, she did.  Can't remember what she said, but I decide not to send the text. 
I also see an email from my sis and read it.  She wants to buy a house here with my dad and wants me to live in it so I don't have to live the way I currently do.  You have no idea what that did to my spirit.  No the purchase hasn't happened yet, but jus the mere idea of not having to worry to end up on the street....It lifted my spirit, I was energized.  I don't remember the last time I felt this way. 
I took the car the car in.  Before going in I called a company to which I sent in a resume 2 Sundays ago.  Last night he emailed that I called for a phone interview. When on the phone with him I told him I could stop by because I was around the corner from him (where I took my car). 
I stopped by.  I had to take an Excel test.  I thought I knew all about Excel, I guess not.  Either way he still let me talk to the owner/ Manager, which was a fun interview.  There are 5 other candidates, and they should make a decision in a week.  Pray for me!!! I really like this job because my 16 years of experience in my line of business will come into play here. Yes it's about an hour drive to work, but I have a good feeling, good energy about this.  I'm so hoping that my positivve energy that I had again today will help me get a 2nd interview.  For the rest of the day I had great energy.  My friend didn't let me pay for the oil change, I gave him $ 20 which he reluctantly took.  After the interview I took my car to a friend of his to get the tire fixed.  Again I didn't have to pay, offered $ 20 again but he refused to accept it.  My next stop was to get a refill for the cough at Costco, and where I figured I'd get gas.  Shock: $ 3.53!!!!!!!  and Costco is usually about $ 0.10 / gallon less than the cheaper gas stations so go figure.
Eventhough it was 15:30 and my meds would be ready at 14:30 they weren't so I had to wait.  I sat down to a lady who I started chatting with.  She was telling me about all the meds she's taking.  I was floored when she said she was 88.  I mean, I am not easily impressed, but this lady looked awesome.  She wasn't overweight, no sagging skin, clear speech.  The only things that were noticeable were the black and blue spots on her arm. She said it was from the meds she was taking.  I hope she remains the way she is, hopefully needing less meds and I hope she lives many more years in good health.  It's not often that you meet people who exume (?) good energy.

Because i was in such a good mood I was in the right frame of mind to buy legs/ drumsticks ($ 0.99/ lbs), apples and strawberries ($ 5.99 for a huge,  box).

Home I actually was still in such a good mood that I decided to cook 5 of them immediately.  I just used whatever I had in house: curry powder, wilted (LOL) celery and that was pretty much it.  I even added some dried cranberries. It was yumm. 

I worked on brainstorming, ideas, my short term and long term goals. 

News is almost about to start.  I might actually leave emails for tomorrow.  I should be home all day.  I believe there's a webinar and the 2nd part on Thursday.  For now I'm also scheduled to clean on Friday....

Please don't let me crash and fall back into depression, please keep this positive energy going so I can draw only/ all that's positive to me.... please.  I thank you for all that happened today and for keeping me safe in traffic and getting me home safe.  Thank you for making me see there are some great people in this world

@ 8:42  More great people: Project Hope on the Today Show.

Coughed a little less, but would be way happier if the damn cough was totally gone being that I want my life back meaning, be productive in the morning and go walk/ jog every day.

Oh yes so while in the shower I'm thinking how great all the support from people to see how I'm doing.  Is it because I closed my Facebook account on Super Bowl day or is it that tloml was spotted with whoever and based on that everyone's asking after they heard that I was moving back...
So I'm thinking a cousin emailed.  It's not a cousin who I have frequent contact with, maybe once a year... so I thought it was so sweet, then I remember his ex steph sister was crushing on tloml and is now having having a field day that we are not doing... I can't say great... but we are not together and since everyone knows how I feel about him it's the talk of two continents.  All I can say... no not God, but whoever is listening... WHY?
Why not God, because all this shit would not be happening if there was indeed a God.... or is there only a God for some people?

Anyway so another start to living better.  I wanted to cleanse myself from all the crap I ate and was just going to drink water all day till I was really hungry.  I wasn't hungry when I woke up.  Showered, then had a d*a*e*h moment --- don't just hate when you just got out of the shower and then "that"...
So I would remember the night before I told the remainder of my meds on my desks so when I was about to check my emails/ work on requests for quotes I remembered taking my meds, but I had to eat something so I had 2 envelopes of oatmeal (Cinnamon and Spice), took the med and am now continuing to drink my water. 
I'll let you know what next .....

@ 11:11 Cravings... Ferrero Rocher...

@ 15:28 I keep seeing her name.  Is she with him? Does he now stay in constant contact with her?

@ 15:58 I've been crying for the past hour, realizing that if I don't get a job soon I'll be out on the streets.
I followed my heart, because I choose love... my heart failed me miserably....

@ around 20:00 I got an email requesting to call that company about a phone interview tomorrow.  They received my resume.  I remember contacting them last week Sunday.  I replied that I don't mind driving for a face to face interview.  Did my Employment Prayer last night work?  I should not forget to do it every night till I have a job.  Hey I'm desperate, anything that helps.

I contacted yet another Psychic.  I'm addicted to Psychics?  No, I think it's that they make me feel good whenever I panic... which today was another one of those days.  Meanwhile I'm spending money I don't have....

So much bad has happened the last couple of months.  I'm starting to believe someone put a hex, spell, voodoo on me...how do I get rid of this???

Yuk Canibal Hippos on TV --- National Geo channel.

@ 23:00 the message from my one Psychic if I should text are not: "no".... I am still awaiting reading from my 3rd Psychic...

Well... about my diet: I had a Turkey 6 inch sub from Subway.  Surprisingly till now I haven't eaten anything else...I surely wanted to but it's another expense whenever I eat.  Tomorrow I hope to get some chicken and prepare it myself...no carbs :-(

Ok my Em

Getting ready to watch: "Secret Millionaire."  Well, not really watch, but it will be playing in the back ground while I'm playing on my computer.

I'm still not better but "my pants" told me that I gained OODLES of weight.  Tomorrow I am yet again going to try to eat better and walk/ run daily in the hopes of losing weight and staying healthy.
That darn dry cough is still fighting me, even after I got meds on Thursday?  What are doctors good for these days???
So I will start my healthier lifestyle again tomorrow, including my walk/ jog.  I will try the jog, the walk I will do regardless.  With jogging I usually cough after I'm done jogging anyway so.....we'll see tomorrow.

As I always do when I decide to go on a diet/ live healthy, the days leading up to it I eat anything in sight.  Just to mention what I ate today: ruggalah (sp?) - 6 pieces, 1 guava cheese cake,  1 butter chocolate croissant, 6 green leave tea cookies, left over rice and roasted pork, and marinated duck, 2 x 3 pcs Ferro Rocher, 1 small bag flamin hot cheese curls, 1 left over rice with bbq chicken and then I also ...

Sorry I'm watching The Secret Millionaire, the story about the two 82 year old ladies that run the Love Kitchen, which feeds the homeless.  It just made me cry that there are such good people...

So what was

Yes Heaven is missing 2 Angels, because we got 2 right here --- that's what the lady who works at the Love Kitchen said about those 2 lovely ladies that run the Love Kitchen.

Ok commercials...

Yeah so I did indeed eat all that.

Anyway, I will be blogging about my healthier life style .. so check it out.

Tonight I should start my Unemployment Prayer.  Don't judge, don't laugh. I will do ANYTHING that will get me a job!!!  I have my gold candle and my prayer ready... need to remember to face east.

This week came to an end.  Hopefully it's also the end of my requests for readings from Psychics.  I use them when i'm scared about what's next...

Oh yes, today I got a jolt of mind energy meaning that I had so many ideas of what I want to do and where all those successful ideas

@ Please let me be able to sleep through the night so I finally have my ener
@ 20:44 So I would leave, and he would ask me to marry him and we would live happily ever after.  I left, he didn't ask me to marry him, and if I am not hired for full time job soon I will be out on the street.... Do you see why women choose material things/ money over love.  If you have material things/ money at least you will not end up living on the streets, be homeless.  Love is not forever anyway.

@ 12:10 Was thinking driving back: I always said that I would leave whoever I was with if he came back into my life...twenty years later I did.... only it is not going the way I thought it would .... will the end result be what I hoped it to be (still hope it will be) ....

@ 9:23  Another sleepless night due to cough attacks.  Why am I taking prescribed meds that aren't working?????
My tummy is huge from the cough attacks working my tummy muscles but pushing them out...

A couple days further.  Still sick 7 days later. Wednesday to Thursday was really bad. I coughed through the night and finally decided to just show up at my Dr.  Who after 45 minutes of driving was booked.  I could wait till 09:30 for the "other" Dr or I could wait for mine till 15:15.
After immediately taking my meds and hoping for better, Thursday to Friday seemed just as bad.  I rolled out of bed a little after 7 to be so sleepy again around 11:00 from lack of sleep all these nights in a row.
Another non-productive week.  Is this whoever is up there or around taunting me?  Why?  I have all this time now that I can't find a job. The ideal situation would be that I go through all the stuff in storage, to either get rid off all that's in storage or at least get a smaller space.  But noooooo.  First I have to go through depression of "why me", why am I not allowed to be with my love.  Why do things have to be this way? Then I have people in town.  I must say it's always great to have my cousin here.  While she's still here I get sick.  Yep a week later I'm hacking away to the point I'm throwing up.... Please let me get better so I can make use of this unemployment time and get through all that's in storage.  Please!!!!
I discovered a BBQ along side the street place. Yummy.  It's on 163rd street.  Coming from Biscayne heading South it will be on your left.  you'll see the smoke after 15:00.  Yummy!!!
Anyway, I'm laying here like a pig, walrus.  My depression, and my illness has kept me from my exercise but oh yes I've been eating and it was sweets + so you can imagine what I look like.  I curse whoever made me sick.  or should I say you might never know what it's good for?   
Oh yeah this week I advised another Psychic for my issues.  Let's see who's going to be right.  He's read for me before ...
So I lie here and wonder, what a sad life.  I think the last time when I was doing something going to the movies w/ partner or watch a show with a partner was about 8 years ago... is everybody's life this pathetic, or is it just mine?
Again whoever is supposed to watch over me, whoever is supposed to hear my prayers.  I only want TWO things. PLEAZZZEEEEE!!!! 
I love this ad from Sprint: Daughter: "Mom, please".  Mom: "I'll help you compose a tweet if you like, (snark)"
After award show I think I'm going to get some Tang or similar powder so I always have something to drink.  I haven't had anything to drink in the house for days.  You know I was thinking, the last time I had a "Fuze" it felt like it was open already, and usually you would throw it out, but I drank it anyway and I felt that's maybe why I got sick?
Anyway, is your life just as boring as mine? I just want two things!!!

Non productive day. I feel like I can't think.  I guess it's the barely 2 hours of sleep.  Hope to be much better, productive, have energy tomorrow.  I keep wondering who he's traveling with.  I didn't want to ask when he emailed that he was traveling but just didn't have his phone(s) with him.  So why is it that the "beep" was so short each time I called on Monday which is an indication that someone is checking their messages.  It's when they don't check that you get that lonnnggggg beep.... He didn't say he would contact me when he was back on Friday but then do I pretend that everything's okay on Monday and start texting him again like I usually do?  But what about all that I said in the email?  Also my biggest thing is, I don't know who he went with, nor did he say.  He's not much of a texter let alone emailer, he never was.  That's why I was surprised he sent that email.  I was so happy that he replied I didn't dare ask who he was with, I figured I didn't want to get him upset and would ask him the next time that I got to talk to him.  As I'm typing I'm wondering why didn't he bring his phones, because he didn't want to be disturbed? What is he doing there that he doesn't want to be disturbed.  Gettin

Hmmm another non-productive day.  I had no energy barely sleeping 2 hours.  I did make the 2 salads, so let's see if I stay in all day tomorrow so I can be productive all day. I feel like I have something to do tomorrow but I don't know what. 
Anyway so today I had Pollo Tropical for lunch: 1/4 dark, black beans and rice.  I had one Ocean Spray Diet Sparkling Cranberry  juice (can).
I had a little bit of tuna salad just now, but just to taste it I'll get some more in a bit.  I'm not dying of hunger. I am having another OCDSC right now.
That was it for the diet today.  I planned to go walk/ jog but my cough is not offer and I tend to cough after my jogs even when I'm healthy so I decided to wait till next week probably, but I do want to stick to my diet.  The cough

Seriously I need a degree to open this Robitussin DM Max bottle.

So after 2 hours I was back.  I visited the Farmer's Market, nothing major.  At Walmart I was so sleep deprived I felt like I was walking on a cloud.  I wonder if it my sleep deprevation or the Green Coffee that caused me not to crave chocolate.  For lunch I was supposed to have a self made but am too "light" to make my salads.  I think I'm going to take a nap at 15:00 check emails/ go through my stuff from warehouse till 17:45 so I can go for my walk.  I hope to make the salads after my shower.  What's on tv tonight: Parenthood .... Gosh it's awful not having Tivo, not being able to afford Tivo.
I probably mentioned this already but while I was in the car I wonder why he didn't tell me that he was travelling...for 5 days?  I wonder who he's with.  I didn't ask, figured that's a question for a phone call.  Don't you think that if he was with a special someone he would've replied? Then again he also replied a year ago, but when he got back he didn't call me like he said he would, not till 6 months later when he was single again.  So maybe he just wanted to let me know that he was okay so I would stop worrying, but he's not going to get in touch when he's back.  He actually didn't say he was going to get in touch upon return.... so was that lady psychic right?  What's coming is the pause, like the last time?

Ok, feeling light headed could be a combination of 2 hours of sleep and the start of my diet.  Leaving after Hoda and Kathie are over.  Going to Walmart to get my groceries.  I think they are cheaper then Winn Dixie, and definitely then Publix.  I also noticed an indoor Farmer's Market in that area, might check it out too.  Wonder if I will make it to actually preparing food today, that was the plan but I feel so weak at 10:36 a.m.